April 25, 2003

I didn't start this log as early as the one on HH--this is the first entry I have, and it throws you right in the middle of it. I've removed the names of the stupid below. I have, however, left their (mis)spellings intact.

April 25, 2003

So I put an ad in Backstage magazine, the mag for aspiring actors/actresses. We did it for Hunting Humans and got like 500 headshots in a week. Unfortunately, 99% of them were from New York, and none of the New Yorkers wanted to come audition for us. It was like, “What have you done that I might have seen?”

I also put a brand new counter on the Fear Of Clowns page. Be good to know how many hits we get.

The ad runs. In a week and half we get about 3500 hits. We receive about 500 headshots in email alone. About another 300 in regular mail.

I began writing back responses. Most of them were standard “Thanks for your submission, we’ll get back to you.” That was for the people I clearly wasn’t interested in. I emailed sides to out-of-towners so they could mail us videotaped auditions.

I got some classic emails. One lady sent me a color picture of herself in lingerie on a couch. She didn’t fit any parts, so I emailed her back with the standard letter. She sent the same picture another two times.

Then there was this guy:

>“I feel I fit the part of BOBBY.
>I will only audition if it will be in NYC.
>If I get the part I will only go to Maryland if housing and travel is provided; view my Head Shot & >Resume at this link:
>LINK REMOVED


to which I responded:
“Good luck. You will only be in the movie when hell freezes over.
(In the future, you might want to tone down your demands if you ever want to get another job)”

His response:
>“Fuck you moron, I’m already a Movie Star, and you’re an uneducated wannabbe filmmaker who will accomplish shit…good luck to me you say, NO, it’s Good Luck to you getting nyc actors; the least you can do is pay for everthing since your not paying the actors, Moron, you’ll have to settle for Local >Uneducated Losers who are just like You :)
>Have a nice life, I’m sure it will suck :) :)
“

Yeah, this guy’s got superstar written all over him. I mean, it says on the web site that we’re paying the actors. And as it is he was looking to audition for a guy with two lines.

Anyway, another one:

>Dear Rick and Kevin,
>Thanks you so much for deciding to cast me in your production of “Fear Of Clowns”. Enclosed is the address and contact info where you can send my contract. Thanks a lot.
>
>Sincerely,
>Sia S
>ADDRESS REMOVED
>NYC, NY 10009
>PHONE REMOVED
>P.S. What is the phobia name for fear of clowns?

This is the first email I had ever gotten from this person. I hadn't even heard of them, much less cast them.

Another keeper. Out of the blue, this is how the email started:

>I currently have nipple piercings, clear braces and taking acting classes.
>
>I am a total natural when it comes to acting and I am a hardcore Horror Film fan.
>
>Best Wishes,
>Diamond1

I wonder if they put "nipple piercings" under special talents on their resume...